Yesterday, a Miami friend of mine asked me:
“Do you remember our first conversation when we met?”
We’ve been friends for decades. I had zero recollection of our first conversation and no idea where this current conversation was headed. She explained:
“The first time I met you, I asked you why you carry extra weight. Do you remember what you said?”
My response was genuine. I honestly didn't remember her asking me why I was overweight. She continued:
“I cried the whole way home because you said something I’ll never forget. You said we all have something.”
My friend wasn't being mean when she asked about my weight. She was asking from a place of her own struggles.
When you live in a tropical beach paradise, being fat can be seen as a fate worse than death. Miami has the highest concentration of plastic surgeons in the United States relative to its population. Living there comes with significant cultural pressure to look a certain way.
I'm not naive or oblivious to societal pressures. I understand why people place so much importance on appearances. But appearances tell us very little about what someone is carrying.
I learned at a young age that looks can be deceiving. We all have blessed burdens to bear.
I just happen to carry some of my blessings and burdens on the outside of my body. Inside, I am what my doctor calls freakishly healthy. Some burdens are visible. Many are not.
The statistics* on physical and mental health in the United States are alarming. Over 75% of U.S. adults have a chronic physical health condition, and approximately 23% experience a mental illness in a given year. Far too many people I know are struggling with something right now.
Societal pressure is less important to me than showing up for people who are suffering. If we are truly lucky, we have a community of people who love us through our burdens and struggles. We don't have to be burden-free to be a blessing to someone else.
Sometimes, our own struggles make us more capable of loving others. When we make peace with the burdens we are given, we can return to love. Peace comes from love and love creates peace.
We all have something, and my love is not fragile. I don't love you more or less because you’re struggling. Despite my imperfect life, I can strive to be perfectly loving.
Our burdens become blessings when love shows up. We all have something to carry, and we all have love to give.
We all have something.
———-
*Statistics reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
