Love Shows Up
A friend of mine asked a question that created strong reactions among my friend group.
Do you love your partner more than your child?
The question is meant to be thought-provoking and expansive. The initial response was defensive and short: No. The better response came much later in the discussion.
The question wasn’t meant to be answered. The question was meant to challenge our beliefs.
Why do we love some more than others?
Is our love conditional or absolute?
Why does our love fluctuate?
The discussion opened us up to a more evolved definition of love. We realized:
Young love is a feeling.
Mature love is a choice.
When love is fueled by a feeling, it will fluctuate. It will be conditional. It will be measured. By design, young love isn’t meant to last forever. We will be challenged to love better.
When love is fueled by choice, it grows. It deepens. It becomes a daily decision. As love grows, evolves and matures, we ask better questions:
How do we make another adult a priority in our busy lives?
How do we handle frustration and disappointment?
How does our love show up?
Once the conversation shifted to finding genuine ways to expand our capacity to love, no one was defensive (or short) in their response.
Love shows up. It is communicated through our presence. It is attentive. It is reliable. It is a choice.
Love shows up even when it is difficult – especially when it is difficult. Love repairs hurt feelings. Love is consciously rebuilt again and again.
Love pays attention. It’s looking at each other more than our phones. Love will ask:
Where do you focus your time and energy?
Love grows where our attention flows.
Love shows up on the days when everyone is tired, someone is disappointed, and nobody is at their best. Love nudges us to do better and be better.
Love doesn’t need to be measured or judged by more or less. Love isn’t meant to model perfection. It is meant to model commitment.
Our children learn the most about love by watching the adults around them. We all learn love by watching who shows up.
