Self Select

When my Dad became a Grandpa, he wasn’t ready to change identities. Before he identified as “Grandpa Vince,” he chose to be “Uncle Vince.”

It made perfect sense at the time. His own “Child” was transitioning to “Dad” while he was still a “Dad” to younger children. The title of “Uncle” lasted only until my Dad was ready to be “Grandpa.”

Watching my Dad, I learned that we don’t have to accept a title given to us by societal norms. We can define ourselves with whatever title and label we choose. Most importantly, I learned Identity Transitions are easier when we self-select.

This lesson has served me well as I am watching a great number of my friends change identities.

A once “Store Manager” is now a “Bailiff.”

A once “CEO” is now a “Pianist.”

A once “Husband” is now a “Friend.”

Identities aren’t meant to be given or taken. Identities are meant to be claimed.

When we self-select how we see ourselves, our lives instantly change. We become what we perceive ourselves to be.

A friend of mine wrote me a personal email to thank me for a blog I had written. Their opening sentence was:

“You are such a writer. I am loving your blog!”

They had written the email at 5:11 AM on Sunday morning. At the exact same moment, I was waiting for the sun to rise and thinking:

I really need to stop writing blogs. I’m not a writer.

My friend saw me as a “writer” before I was ready to self-select. But, something in their email sparked a change within me. I noticed they didn’t call me a “good writer” or a “great writer.” They just called me “a writer.”

Without the pressure of performance, I could finally embrace my new identity. My friend was correct. I write.

As the sun broke the horizon, I was ready to claim my new identity:

I am a Writer.

It now makes perfect sense. And, I learned a valuable lesson:

One of the most empowering decisions in life is self-selecting your identity.