It’s not you.
Let’s be human. A friend of mine has been using AI to solve their problems. In business, this has worked well. In their personal lives, not so much.
My friend works a remote job with co-workers who haven’t formed strong bonds. Projecting a “perfect image” feels essential to their business success. More than they trust themselves, they trust AI.
Although work is going well, they are struggling with their relationship. They said:
ChatGPT makes me feel powerful and smart. I don’t understand why it works so well in business, but not with my partner.
I wondered exactly how relationship advice from a machine works. My friend explained:
It’s great! I copy all our text messages for AI to read, and then I ask how I should respond to my partner. I think it’s better than therapy.
While I know using AI as therapy is a growing trend, I am concerned for my friend for two reasons:
We are losing our ability to connect with other human beings.
It increases the unrealistic pressure to be perfect.
The Ability to Connect
An article in Psychology Today wisely cautions that connection can’t be coded. Human relationships require depth and understanding nuances.
When people form connections, the “cuddle chemical” oxytocin is released. Oxytocin promotes feelings of trust, empathy, and bonding. It increases feelings of connection and closeness.
My friend eventually admitted:
AI always tells me the perfect thing to say. But then when I say it to my partner, it never quite goes as planned.
Upon advice from AI, my friend was sending long, perfectly written text messages to their partner. Those perfect messages created more distance in their relationship. Their partner complained:
It’s not you. I am not looking for you to be perfect. I am looking for you to be YOU!
The Unrealistic Pressure to be Perfect
Humans are not perfect, and perfect never lasts. Even one day, the current AI will be obsolete – just like all the technological advances that came before today’s AI.
I am glad my friend chose to talk with me about their AI experiences. Learning together builds bonds and lifelong connections. Meaningful relationships require conversations and connection – without perfection.
Let’s be human together. If it is not you, it’s not a real relationship.
