New Boundaries

Let’s discuss boundaries. New Chapters bring New Friends and an opportunity for New Boundaries.

Many of my friends who are struggling to create something new tell me they are struggling with boundaries. Their stories start with complaints about other people - bad bosses, manipulative friends, and resentful partners. Once they take responsibility for their own story, they’ll say:

I guess I’m just really bad at boundaries.

For my struggling friends, boundary issues are losing battles. They feel defeated by a fight they can’t win. They surrender the argument without realizing they are also surrendering their self-worth. 

Boundaries define your value and level of trust in yourself. 

My boundary-struggling friends have yet to realize most fights are not about betrayals. There are no enemies. People who challenge our boundaries help us define who we want to be. 

Healthy relationships and healthy boundaries thrive when we have a healthy sense of self. Defining our boundaries is a process of defining ourselves. Holding true to our boundaries defines our level of trust in ourselves. 

A struggle with boundaries is a struggle with self-worth and a lack of defining priorities. We never fully know our value and our values until they are challenged.

Boundaries are Agreements.

Boundaries are an opportunity to establish an agreed-upon code of conduct. Bad agreements lead to bad boundaries. 

Agreements force us to both define our self-value and communicate our self-worth. When discussing agreements and boundaries, I always ask my friends:

What are your priorities?

Once they know their priorities, I’ll ask:

Can you keep your word?

The practice of keeping a promise makes us better at boundaries. Priorities are promises to ourselves. 

We can’t keep a promise to others until we learn to keep a promise to ourself. Start by setting your priorities in life. What are you unwilling to compromise? 

Once your priorities are firmly defined within, your boundary issues will be solved with healthy communication practices. 

Discussions about boundaries are healthy and fun – once we learn to communicate our priorities and values. With clear communication, most people will respect and honor our boundaries, our priorities and our values. If they don’t, it’s time to walk away. 

Boundaries, priorities, and values are non-negotiable agreements. 

Let’s discuss boundaries together. Let’s know our self-worth and clearly communicate our priorities and values.