Promises, Promises

I told a friend of mine I couldn’t join them for an evening of fun because I “had to” write my blog. I said it in my whiny voice as if I was a student being forced to write a 20-page essay.

I told my friend I had no other choice. I promised my co-workers I would do it, and I want to keep my promise to them.

My smart friend immediately called me out on my ridiculousness by asking:

“Why did you promise them and not yourself?”

The conversation forced me to admit one of my biggest struggles. I am more likely to keep a promise to other people than I am to myself.

I have a long history of breaking promises to myself. My friend is the opposite. They’ll easily break a promise to other people to keep a promise to themselves.

Our conversation prompted me to conduct an ongoing survey. How would you answer this question:

Are you more likely to keep a promise to yourself or to other people?

A. Myself

B. Other People

C. Both

D. Neither

My informal survey has produced surprising results. I’m not alone in my struggle to keep promises. Even with the best of intentions, many people break promises without realizing the long-term harm.

Promises build integrity, respect and esteem. Broken promises diminish our self-worth.

Keeping a promise sends a message:

I value you and your time.

Breaking a promise sends the opposite message:

I don’t value you and your time.

Take another look at your answer to my informal survey.

I answered B. I rarely break a promise to other people. It sounds noble, right? It’s not. I deserve to value my own self and my own time as much as I value others.

My friend who answered A is also out of balance when they care less about others. And to my sweet friends who answered with the Letter D, my heart understands you.

It’s difficult to love and be loved when your life is filled with broken promises. It teaches people they can’t trust you. Worse, it leads to you not trusting yourself.

I relied on a promise to my co-workers because I didn’t trust a promise to myself. Left on my own, I would have let my whiny voice win. I would have gone out to play instead of writing a blog. And then, I would have felt awful.

Integrity is earned. And, I would have been left empty.

Fortunately, awareness is a precursor to change. Once my friend called me out on my ridiculousness, I discovered a more honest promise. I told my friend in my most empowered adult voice:

I made a promise to myself to become a better writer. It’s not a skill that comes easily to me. So, I write a weekly blog to practice, practice, practice. I’m happy to schedule another time to play. Tonight is my time to write.

Integrity is earned through promises kept. I am learning to be more like the people who answered my survey with the Letter C, Both.

Let’s all celebrate the people who keep their promises equally to themselves and others. That’s what I want. From this moment forward, that is what I will do. I will keep my promises to myself and others. I will be intentional with my word. I will be precise with my love.

And, I know I can do it. I promise.